The sad season

So. I suffer with extreme anxiety and depression. Well whilst writing this, it seems extreme. Im having such a bad time recently, I mean the other day i couldn't even get out of bed !! My dad calls November through to January the sad season, which is sad because i love christmas and new year, but i just keep thinking that my life is so pointless.
All I do is work in a shop,  5 days a week and then 2 days a week i do NOTHING. i never have any money, and I'm only 23 years old, i haven't seen any of the world, i didn't make it through university. I see everything as a failure. And i know that sounds so ungrateful, but its what depression does to you, turns you into something you dread, and what other people dread!
So just a quick post on how I'm doing. Nothing overly flashy or festive today.

 Big love folks, stay happy xx

Time to get sorted !!

I feel its time for a 'Autumn clean out'. I am super excited for Christmas, now Halloween has passed I can really get into planning for the festive season! Today I went to the Christmas market in my town on the search for stockings, but unfortunately none of the stores had any, such a pickle!! So I ended up buying some awesome christmas decorations that were so cheap I could have jumped with joy!! Its hard to find nice decorations that you aren't spending ridiculous amounts of money on, so I was chuffed ! Now back at the flat, I am making a list of things to be done this week, as the flat is a tip, and we moved in two months ago -.-.

Mornings.. So this is just a general thing to do. I'm always freezing, and I always want to stay in bed (who doesn't!!) but I'm 23 now, and things need to change. On my days off I don't want to be lounging around, I want to be up early, have breakfast, go for jog, visit a national trust on a foggy morning, drink hot chocolate and GET PRODUCTIVE !! Making, baking, cycling, crafting… Anything! As long as I am snug, I can do it, as the cold really gets to me, and can change my mood from calm, to the devil!!

Bag check.. Owning an expensive bag means nothing to me. But it should. I saved through most of my teenage life for a Mulberry handbag, and now I have one, I abuse it. My poor hobo bag, filled with receipts, odd coppers, wrappers, lip balms, I mean the list is endless, but that has to be done. Theres nothing more horrific whilst standing at a checkout, going to grab your purse from your bag and you pull out a handful of receipts and chocolate wrappers. Time to take control, I keep my life in my bag, so if thats a mess, then what is my life?

Do more yoga.. I used to be such a yogerer (thats not a word, but you get my drift..) and then I stopped. I don't know why, but I just stopped. Then a couple of weeks ago, after a hard day at work, I made space for my mat, and started stretching. Now I didn't realise I would be so inflexible after not doing it for a while, so I'm getting back on top of it. It feels so good to stretch out my back and my upper limbs, god know why I stopped !!

Visit my gramps.. My grandad recently had a stroke and has become blind from it. He was so independent and sociable, and now he doesn't even know what time it is. Its breaking my heart writing about it, but its something I have to do, otherwise it build and it builds! I think I will wrap him up warm and take him for a stroll round the home, so he ca feel the breeze upon his face, then get him excited about the festive season!! Anyway hope you all have a good week !!